Hooked On A Feeling

Sat out in the sun for too long! Kidding, but it should be clear why I did this once you start reading the post!

The human body is a very clever thing. I'm aware that isn't a groundbreaking statement, but it's something I've been thinking about recently so bare with me. Our bodies are capable of telling us when something is wrong. If it's a sunny day and our skin starts to burn we know its time to head into the shade, if we've been feasting on junk food and start to feel sluggish and bloated we know its time to eat a bit healthier, and if our urine (sorry!) is looking a bit too yellow its time to get a big glass of water.

Jar of Hearts: "You're Gonna Catch a Cold From the Ice Inside Your Soul"

 Queen of Hearts? The blog title is a direct reference to the Ice Queen whom I'll be referring to in this post. 

So this is a story all about how my life got twist turned upside down, and I'd like to take a minute to just sit right here and tell you all about how I became the...well, not the prince of a town called Belair.   Damn. Not my original writing unfortunately! That just seemed like the perfect way to ease into this blog post. My life definitely got turned upside down, and most days I'm still hanging from the earth like a bat. I've written a fair bit about how it feels to be depressed, but I haven't written about when I first started experiencing symptoms of depression and what caused them.

Let It Go

Frozen face art in keeping with the blog post title. 

The past six years of my life have been incredibly testing, I have grown a lot as a person and have certainly become more knowledgable. However, I have also become a recluse, an introvert. Since my primary school days of being incredibly shy and reluctant to volunteer, being labelled as "mousey" for being so quiet, I have developed a severe social anxiety disorder. I struggle amongst large groups and also amongst small groups, even when those include family members and close friends. It is an incredibly tiring life, constantly worrying about what people think of me, fidgeting during uncomfortable social situations, and how my throat starts to close up at the thought of having to say something. Its like living life being allergic to the world around you. It can be a situation, a particular place or an uncomfortable conversation that triggers the sensation of being at the top of a roller coaster and waiting for your stomach to fall. But it doesn't. That sensation stays in my stomach and rises to my throat leaving me feeling even more uncomfortable and unable to speak.