Working Vacation

 Something I'd like to do a bit more of (inspire).

I've been writing this blog for almost a year now. I am so thankful for all of the kind words and praise I've received in response to what I have written. I never thought I'd get even 100 views on this blog never mind over 11,000. Some days can be a real struggle for me, I'm sure others struggle too. There can be days where nothing goes to plan which can be really frustrating. Having a rough day can be amplified by having depression or anxiety. I feel so disappointed in myself, and I beat myself up over things in a way that I'd never do to another person. Why is it so hard to take care of yourself but often so easy to care for others? I am my worst critic, even if I am pretty chuffed with the outcome of something I'll be incredibly modest and often bashful if others praise me. Although I may not have the largest following for this blog, I feel incredibly guilty about posting content I'm not entirely happy with or  when I really can't post something. Of course there comes a time when it becomes hard to talk about a subject you discuss every week. I've recently felt like I've been repeating myself in blog posts and almost feel like I've exhausted the topic of mental health and depression in particular. In reality I know that these issues are incredibly complex, and I know that I can pull some words out from somewhere to create a post. I never want this to feel like a hard slog or something I don't look forward to doing each week. Finally discussing my past and sharing my experiences and opinions on mental health has really helped me to process what I feel and has helped me empathise with others experiencing similar problems and feelings.

 I feel as if I owe it to my readers, and myself, to take a step back from the blog for a few weeks. I will return. This certainly will not be a break for me, I will be thinking about new content every day. I just want to get back to the feeling of being content with every blog post I produce. I also would love to feel organised by having a store of shiny new photos to accompany blog posts. I've been feeling like I've neglected this blog, my baby, recently as my mind has been wandering towards my plan to launch another blog. Not a 'new' replacement blog as I know some readers might not want to see two different types of content being thrown together on one space of the Internet. I've always loved reading and following beauty bloggers. You will have seen some of my face art projects on this blog, something which I'd like to be doing more of on this new blog as well as product reviews and beauty tutorials. The idea of just setting up beautiful shots for photographs really excites me too. I will never endorse the idea that things make a person happy, I believe that clutter can overwhelm a person physically and mentally. However, I do condone colourful things in life. I seem to surround myself with pencils, pens, lipsticks and eye shadows in every hue.

My mind has been occupied by the thoughts of launching a beauty blog, but I've started straying away from it because I feel guilty for almost cheating on 'Cheerful Chelsea', before I've even started anything! So my aim is to take a working holiday so I can produce the best content I can, but also so I can look after myself before I crack. If you would like to be kept up to date on my progress, thoughts and to see when I will return please follow me on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. All links can be found in the top right corner of the blog. Thank you so much for your support and readership.

The Reality Of It All

Recently I've fallen down the rabbit hole. It looks like I've been making progress, but inside I feel worse than ever. Other people have such busy lives and yet I feel exhausted at the thought of my minor commitment to writing one blog post a week. Although I know people read the blog I don't get much feedback from people. I can understand why, especially if readers are experiencing similar problems to my own, it can be scary and hard to speak up, even online. I have thousands of page views, yet I feel like no one is out there. I hear no reply when I call out, but I never want to skip a week of posting. I don't care about how many followers I have on various social media platforms, I'm not the type of person or blogger that is driven by gaining hundreds of followers. Of course each page view and follower I do have I am very grateful for. The thing that keeps me going and motivates me is the idea and hope that at least one person benefits from reading these posts, that makes it all worthwhile to me. 

My apologies if these ramblings don't make sense, my waking hours are few in number these days. You'd think I'd be bright eyed and alert, but I'm more tired than ever and it only takes me being up for an hour before I'm crawling back upstairs to bed. 

Of course it can be motivating, inspiring and uplifting to read the words of someone who is recovering from a mental illness. It provides hope and confidence that you too will succeed in defeating the dark monster. I used to find it equally helpful and reassuring to read about other people's worst times too. Sounds terrible to most people, but just knowing that you aren't alone in what you're feeling can also be helpful.

My cheery thoughts this week are on some of the (simple) truths of depression. I'm overwhelmed by everything, yet I have nothing going on in my life. I frequently feel very lonely, but I'm terrified of leaving the house and meeting new people. I want to be up and about getting on with tasks, but I'm confined to my bed. I want to watch a funny film, but even the lighthearted moments make me sad. My mind is racing, but I can't fixate on a single thought. I don't want to waste time, yet I sleep the day away. I feel disgusting, but I don't have the strength to stand in the shower. I have lots of ideas but no self belief. My life isn't bad, but I'm so unhappy.