New Me

I've never been one for making New Year's resolutions. I'd occasionally think to myself "this year I'll lose weight" or "this year I'll eat healthier". They never really worked out, maybe because January is my birthday month and why wouldn't I indulge a bit more. Perhaps it's because my heart is never really in it. I don't think it's the best idea to take on resolutions whilst living with depression. That's my personal preference and opinion of course, but allow me to explain why I think that way.

You can have periods of depression that last for weeks or months. I can go to bed feeling OK, I might have plans for the next day, I might be feeling hopeful about my long-term future. Then I can wake up the next morning feeling like the world has fallen out beneath me. It happens in any pattern, it can happen after a week or so of feeling OK, of feeling 'fine' in terms of being depressed. I can go to bed hyperventilating, choking on my tears and holding on tightly to the bedspread as if that's the only way I can keep a grip on my life and then wake up the next day feeling better.

My point is that everything can change in an instant. What might seem like an important resolution to make in the New Year may become irrelevant when measured up against everything else going on in life. There's nothing wrong with having goals. There's also nothing wrong with taking things as they come, one day at a time. I'm trying to follow one of the principles of the AA, to take each day as it comes. They hold on to the thought of "I will not drink today". Drink, drugs, an eating disorder they all apply to the same principle. Trying to accomplish something one day at a time is more likely be a success as opposed to saying you won't drink or harm yourself for an entire year. A year can be hard to envision for anyone that is struggling in life. Take it day by day and eventually you'll be able to look back and realise you've gone a week, a month, half a year.

So maybe just go one day at a time. Even if it's just for healthy eating, having one healthy day is something you can hold on to. Slipping up or having a cheat day will feel better if you tell yourself your efforts haven't been wasted, because tomorrow is a new day with more chances to succeed.

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