Withdrawal

A few weeks ago I was left on my on for the first time in a while. I had a feeling that this week was going to be fairly challenging, but thanks to me miscalculating how much medication I had left it became a whole lot more difficult! As I have established a fairly good understanding with my doctor on how I prefer to treat my depression they are happy for me to have a few months supply of my anti-depressants at a time. This will vary with every patient experiencing depression as it can be risky to leave longer periods in between appointments with your GP depending upon the severity of your depression at various times. When I was feeling particularly bad I had to see my GP every two weeks to check in, but now they and I don't feel as if I'm a risk to my own safety, there is a bit more flexibility with how frequently I have check up appointments.

I'm usually pretty good at keeping an eye on how much medication I have left and ensuring I can either go in for a chat or put in a request for a repeat prescription if supplies are getting low. Unfortunately sometimes life gets in the way and my already confused mind gets turned upside down with things like big events and trips away. When my mind is preoccupied with other concerns things can slip and I end up in a sticky situation! As a result of this I ended up being on about half of the dose of anti-depressants I normally take. Not good. Obviously this can happen to the best of people with any type of medical condition that requires medication. However, you should never decrease your dose of anti-depressants on your own, and you certainly shouldn't quit cold turkey. Ceasing taking medication for depression unassisted can be very similar to quitting hardcore drugs alone, not that I've ever experienced this myself but from what I have experienced I know it's incredibly unpleasant. Even being on a lower dose of medication without being slowly weaned off can cause withdrawal symptoms and side effects.

I often experience what I refer to as 'brain zaps' when I've had a particularly low period and have slept late into the day meaning that I haven't taken my medication at the time I usually would. Even this small discrepancy in when I take medication can cause withdrawal effects. Brain zaps feel like an electric current running over the brain producing a fuzzy sensation, as if you're getting a static shock over and over again inside your skull. Not pleasant. This feeling will continue for a while after taking medication and can often last for an entire day. I can be walking around or sitting still and slightly move my eyes or turn my head and be hit with a wave of fuzzy feelings running over my brain and I'll hear a high pitched noise. If anyone has seen the Hunger Games film when Katniss has been stung by a Trackerjacker and it looks like she's trying to move but gets stuck in one movement and the noise that accompanies it, that's fairly similar to what I experience. Or think of the static noise on a radio when you flick to a frequency that isn't in tune, it puts you on edge and you want to get off that station as fast as possible. I'm stuck on that station for hours.

Other withdrawal side effects can include feeling like you have the flu, nausea and generally feeling very run down and tired. Of course feeling incredibly low accompanies all of this which can be very unsettling if you had previously been doing well. Even if you know that you'll be able to get your prescription in a few days, it can be of little comfort. You still have to go through all of this and those low feelings aren't easily forgotten even if you know they've most likely been induced by a lack of medication or a lower dose than usual.

It does scare me that I've become so dependent upon anti-depressants. It's concerning to know that even though I'm taking something to help me, it can cause harm. I know that some people are against taking medication for depression and prefer to seek alternative treatment. Much like how every experience of depression is different, an individual's treatment and recovery is unique too. I'll never take anti-depressants for the sake of it or use them as a crutch. If I do feel significantly better at some point I will talk to my doctor about decreasing the dose I'm taking. For now it provides a feeling of relief. Taking medication makes me feel like it is a real illness. It's all very well saying depression is a real illness with mental and physical effects, but the dark voices of depression can easily convince a person otherwise.