Keep Calm, Carry On

I have previously mentioned that I have had panic attacks in the past. I always intended to do a post covering panic attacks, having a handful of them recently has prompted me to write on the topic. I first experienced a panic attack when I was in sixth form. I'd just started there and had gone from a school with around six hundred students, to well over a thousand. I tended to avoid the over-crowded areas due to my fear of large crowds and the noise they tend to produce. However, some times I couldn't avoid passing through such areas in order to get to certain classrooms, if I had the time I would go the longer way, but at times this wasn't possible. I remember dodging in and out of the crowds in the atrium, pushing my way through and faintly saying "excuse me". I was getting worked up over the amount of people, the amount of eyes on me, feeling awkward, the loud music and conversations and my fear of being late to class which would induce the next load of anxieties. I felt flustered, incredibly warm despite only wearing a t-shirt and jeans. I made a break for the nearest toilets, and looking in the mirror I saw the red faced, clammy, panting reflection of someone that looked like they had run 10 miles rather than a hundred feet or so. I felt the gazes of other girls present so I hurried off into a toilet cubicle. I simply couldn't catch my breath, I constantly blotted my face with toilet paper, sweat was running down my back and my hair was glued to my face from the wetness of my forehead. My first thoughts were that perhaps I was getting a fever, maybe an asthma attack could explain the shortness of breath. And then a pain struck me in the chest, I felt winded as it doubled me over. Nowadays I often say "I feel like I've been hit by a bus today" whenever I feel extremely fatigued with heavy limbs despite only just getting up from bed. The pain felt like someone sitting on my chest and I could hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears. I was convinced I was having a heart attack at the age of sixteen/seventeen.

It took me a long time to discover that I had experienced a panic attack. It was all induced by the loud, hectic environment I was passing through. I soon learnt to leave places ten minutes early so I could take the quieter staircases and long twisty corridors to get to my next lesson. I've learnt to avoid the situations that have triggered panic attacks in the past. If I can feel one coming on, if my mind is restless and I can't fix my eyes on one thing for more than a few seconds, I know that I need to remove myself from the situation and find a quieter spot. Its a very frustrating thing to go through, just when you think you've isolated all of the causes of your panic attacks, something will come out of the blue to trip you up. Sometimes I realise I'm having a panic attack or one is imminent but I'm in a busy area with no clear places for me to duck into and escape. I end up walking with a far away destination in mind such as the car parked in the multi storey car park. It feels like I'm walking whilst being under water, when you've dived under the water's surface and can feel the breath in your lungs starting to escape from you, your head suddenly starts to feel full and heavy from the pressure of being deep underwater. Not a sensation you want to feel whilst walking for 15 minutes until you are safely inside the car wheezing in and out, with jittery knees and feeling unsure as to whether you're about to projectile vomit into the windshield or burst into tears. Fortunately I seem to be a crier, although I do often feel sick throughout and for a long time after having a panic attack. As always I do not intend to scare, I just want to educate people on what its like so people can either realise that's what they're going through too or so friends and family, or even passing strangers may be able to help someone experiencing one in public. I do love a good list, so below I have provided my 'cheat sheet' to helping someone having a panic attack.

1. Don't ask if they are OK, its quite obvious they aren't.
2. Its tempting to bombard the person with questions, but its likely they will be unable to answer you and they probably need some quiet to focus on their breathing and calm down.
3. Do not flap about or tell them to calm down. Annoying!
4. If they seem to be hyperventilating/can't catch their breath for a long time, gently suggest deep calming breaths and do this alongside them.
5. Once they seem to be doing better offer some water, a tissue (sweat, tears and snot are a delightful combination), some kind of snack if they can manage it, somewhere quiet to sit down. 
6. Ask if they need help getting somewhere they would be more comfortable.
7. Ask if there is anyone you can call/text for them.
8. For future reference, and if they are comfortable discussing it, ask them what would help them the most if they have a panic attack again and you are present. 
9. Help them avoid the situations that induce their panic attacks, forethought and a small amount of planning in advance goes a long way.
10. Encourage them to take a 'survival kit' with them when going out i.e. water, tissues, an emergency snack.

I am by no means an expert of this matter. I still have slip ups, silly moments when I should have realised I could be prone to having an attack. Only a few weeks ago I had an attack in the car as we drove by one of two car parks at a place where we walk our dog. I saw that the first car park was heaving. It was a bloody bank holiday Monday and the sun was out. Of course people would spend it outside with their family, friends and dogs. And although I knew there were areas we could walk to avoid clustered spots, I couldn't get out of the car. I had even considered the fact that it was a bank holiday, the weather was nice and that the walking spot is popular before we left the house. For some reason I failed to raise my hand and say BAD IDEA can we please go to somewhere quieter. Oops. No one is a pro at panic attacks, why would you even want to be?!