Little Miss Foodie

She's not wrong! Deliciously Ella's sweet potato and date brownie recipe.

Typically my head is still stuck in this time last year, it was horrendous in every possible way. Although I had sought the help of a GP and a counsellor I was only coming at my condition from one direction through medication and rehashing the past over and over again. I had unintentionally isolated myself from my uni friends and even my housemates in THE pokiest house, I'd convinced myself that they no longer liked me and would only ever want to be around me once I'd had a few drinks in me, which sadly was the only time I felt as if I had anything interesting to say, when my senses were slightly numbed. That of course is not the way to go, I certainly didn't have a problem with drink, if anything I held back. During that time I also had a bad relationship with food, I avoided being in the kitchen at the same time as my housemates as I felt incredibly awkward, and despite them being the loveliest people I was in constant fear of being judged for my meal choices. I'd go through phases of attempting to be super healthy, I started a juice cleanse, I crashed after a few days and caved in when I smelt someone else's takeaway in the house, I'd order a pizza and then be a nervous wreck about going to the door to get it, I somehow even developed an intolerance towards Dominoes pizza a.k.a. a student's cheap dinner saviour. Perhaps this was because I'd get so worked up about it coming and I'd made myself so tense that I was then physically incapable of enjoying it, I'd usually only manage once slice and end up sending the leftovers over the road to my boyfriend and his housemates. I was constantly punishing myself from every angle; for not working hard enough although I was actually killing myself over assignments and projects requiring skills I'd missed out on learning in seminars, I hated that I missed out on seeing my friends, and I eventually hated the way I couldn't enjoy food and yet my body was out of control.
 

Beautiful colours! Home made fruit leather, it takes hours to dry out in the oven but its SO worth it!

I've always been an incredibly fussy eater, I'd eat THE plainest most boring meals ever, but if I went over to a friend's house I'd eat what I was given and somehow chow down the bits I'd usually pick out. I've been a vegetarian since I was 12, due to meat making me very ill. I then went on to develop IBS after an operation on my abdomen when I was 18. I've been left with a limited amount of food groups that I can enjoy, and even some of those meals I still struggle to get through without a lot of pain in my stomach. I've attempted a variety of diets, all of which were far too restrictive and resulted in a massive binge after a week or so and subsequently an enormous amount of self-loathing. I'm so tired of being tired, I haven't been getting the right fuel for my body to function properly, but I also don't want to add to my body woes through eating too much and doing too little. Since I got Toby (our beloved and rather naughty Puggle puppy), I've been moving about SO much more. Depression brings on a lot of physical effects as well as mental ones, one of those being that I lack the energy to even run up the stairs, and a hot bath can cause me to faint. Having a lively puppy has transformed the structure of my days, I'm clocking at least 2.5km a day on my Fitbit from chasing him or being chased around the house and running him around in the garden once an hour. Some days are a massive struggle as my body isn't quite used to all this activity after being on standby for so long, I'm lucky to have other people around during those times to help out so I can get some rest before I burn a fuse in my brain and collapse in a corner. Due to the increase in activity my appetite has reawakend, but instead of chowing down all the wrong things or restricting myself I've turned to some recipes that taste good, look good and sound incredibly naughty but are actually packed full of goodness! Thanks to Ella Woodward's new book "Deliciously Ella" I've been eating without the guilt, I've actually been going to bed with an aching back from standing up in the kitchen for most of the day cooking and crouching over her book choosing my next recipe to try! The recipes are gluten free and vegan, but I'm not following them religiously, if I don't have gluten free rice flour in the cupboard I'll reach for plain flour instead. I have tried some of the recipes using all of the correct ingredients and they are SO tasty! I'm not declaring myself as now living as a vegan and eating gluten free, I refuse to refuse myself of things as I'm already restricted in so many other aspects of my life. I'm finally excited to cook and share my creations with others, especially the sweet potato brownies which are so gooey and delicious its hard to believe they contain vegetables! Its nice to finally be able to eat food without religiously following a diet plan which will inevitably become one of those fads I went through and didn't quite see through to the end, I hate to seem flaky! I'll never preach about what I eat attempting to convert others, I simply offer them up because I can't believe how scrumptious they are. You can check out some of my culinary triumphs and disasters on my Instagram, search for cheefulchelsea93 or click on the Instagram button at the top right hand corner of the blog. I jumped for joy this morning when I saw that Ella Woodward liked one of my photos depicting my disastrous dinner last night! I've made that recipe of hers before but Tesco greaseproof paper failed me and it was slam dunked and stabbed repeatedly in the bin!

The unforunate incident with last night's dinner, and below afjkkadsehhha *compose self* SHE liked it!