Let It Go

Frozen face art in keeping with the blog post title. 

The past six years of my life have been incredibly testing, I have grown a lot as a person and have certainly become more knowledgable. However, I have also become a recluse, an introvert. Since my primary school days of being incredibly shy and reluctant to volunteer, being labelled as "mousey" for being so quiet, I have developed a severe social anxiety disorder. I struggle amongst large groups and also amongst small groups, even when those include family members and close friends. It is an incredibly tiring life, constantly worrying about what people think of me, fidgeting during uncomfortable social situations, and how my throat starts to close up at the thought of having to say something. Its like living life being allergic to the world around you. It can be a situation, a particular place or an uncomfortable conversation that triggers the sensation of being at the top of a roller coaster and waiting for your stomach to fall. But it doesn't. That sensation stays in my stomach and rises to my throat leaving me feeling even more uncomfortable and unable to speak.


 Unfortunately anxiety and depression are the closest of friends, at the age of 16 I realised I was depressed, but I had little understanding of what that meant and how people would behave around me if I told them. Up until the age of 21 I had been living a very lonely life in isolation from my friends and family. I finally admitted that I needed help, my barriers had crumbled and the people around me had noticed that I wasn't my old self. I had no idea who my old self was anymore.

 I decided to start writing this blog as I believe that there isn't much written about depression from the perspective of a young person. For the majority of my life I've put the needs of others before my own, and I've always wanted to help people. If this blog can help at least one person living with depression, social anxiety and/or panic attacks, it will have made those unbearable years worth fighting through.

Mental health issues affect 1 in 5 people, but those people don't always get help in time. I became incredibly close to considering whether it was worth continuing to live like this anymore. It can definitely get better, it will not be an easy or fast process, but it will save some of the best people in the world. Depression is the illness of the strongest people, our lives are a constant battle, but if this beast can be defeated we'll be capable of almost anything and definitely appreciate the happy moments in life far more since experiencing so much in the thick shadow cast by depression. I plan to write down my thoughts and experiences of social anxiety, depression, panic attacks, my experiences with mental health services, medications and so much more. I just want to provide honest and simple accounts of these topics. And to brighten up the pages I will be posting some of my artwork, face art projects and baking creations to show how old hobbies and interests can be revived when living with depression, and hopefully I can brighten someone's day. Obviously these posts will outline some difficult and sensitive topics, and as I'm writing I have to remind myself to attempt to provide a solution to the problems I've faced, and problems others may come across too.