One Of The Greats

When I was younger I never quite understood members of the public grieving over celebrities. I suppose if they were an idol, did incredible charity work, or were great role models it would cause some heartbreak. I experienced my share of heartbreak this time last year. It was totally unexpected in every way, a sudden death and a reaction I hadn't anticipated.

This person was an actor, a true comedian and devastatingly, of a similar mental state to my own. When I was younger, in the days of VHS, I used to have a very small collection of films. The ones I had I cherished. I'd watch them all the way through, rewind the tape to the beginning and watch it over and over again. One of those films was 'Flubber'. Perhaps my childhood obsession over the film was responsible for my reaction to the death of Robin Williams last year. He was incredibly talented. Sadly as often is the case with creative minds, he descended into a deep depression. I recall being so angry hearing and seeing comments about how "selfish he was for taking his life". Getting to that point, falling that far downhill is hard to recover from. Thankfully I was pulled out of those crushing depths. Others aren't so fortunate. Suicide isn't the easy option, and sometimes it isn't pre-meditated, it's being caught in a horrendous moment and feeling nothing but despair. I definitely think that loved ones are constantly on the mind of those contemplating suicide. It's tough. Suicide isn't an easy way out and shouldn't be seen as selfish. We don't say that those dying from Cancer are selfish, even if it's the result of years of smoking or drinking. Depression is an illness, and sometimes it is a killer.

I spent a week obsessing over the details of his death. I read through the Twitter feed of tributes to him. The leather sofa became my second skin as I lied down watching all of my favourite films that he was in. It's hard to know that there will never be any new films with him in, although he will be forever immortalised in the ones we all know and love today.