I Went To See a Clairvoyant

 


Not a blog title a ever expected to be writing. There are some things in life that I try to avoid discussing, mostly areas that tread into the territories of politics and religion as they can cause heated discussions and conflicts amongst friends. Generally I used to describe myself as an atheist until I realised that would mean that I didn't believe in anything spiritual. I don't follow a religion but when it comes to discussions on what happens after death I do have some particular beliefs, mostly that this can't be all there is, surely we can't live for decades only to fade into nothing once we die. I'd never preach my views nor would I dismiss those of others, we can disagree without being disrespectful of one another.

I never would have thought I'd be going to see a clairvoyant, it's a word that summons images of palm readings, tarot cards, rabbits feet, crystal balls and an episode of 'The Simpsons'. I've felt like my life has been lacking direction for a long time, my mental health has affected what I can do on a daily basis. My crippling anxiety prevents me from even contemplating filling out a job application and I've always known that life in an office would never be for me. My head frequently tells me that I'm lazy although I know that I don't truly believe that. At the age of 24 being out of the education system with support on career advice and people assisting you towards a particular direction, I've felt lost. I have various interests and hobbies but can any of those become a career? Would I even be able to consistently do something without falling out of love with it? It has happened before back when I was on track to heading off to study art only to realise that I wasn't enjoying churning out artwork for good grades and the approval of certain people.

There is always the option of going to see a careers adviser or life coach if you need a change of pace or direction in life. It's always worth keeping in mind that it is never too late to start a new career, hobby or passion. It will take a lot of work, time and patience but if it will bring happiness it's certainly worthwhile. I started looking into clairvoyants after watching 'Holywood Medium with Tyler Henry', something which was initially just another trashy TV programme; part of my self care routine. I became engrossed in the episodes as I saw how he was genuinely connecting with loved ones that had passed on, he was receiving information that he could never have obtained via Google and he also made predictions on the clients futures which were spot on too. Whilst I'd love to be able to connect with lost loved ones, I knew that getting my life on track was the main priority. Mediums are able to connect with the deceased whereas clairvoyants are able to address future concerns. I like to think that I'm an open minded person, but sometimes it can be difficult when you hear of con artists or when the people around you are sceptical. I set up my first appointment and said that I was going to see a life coach, partially truthful as they were going to advise me on areas to pursue or concerns to address. Of course I'd still recommend that you give someone the address of where you're heading to if it is a private address to be on the safe side even if you have thoroughly done your research on who you're meeting with.

I went into my appointment with an open mind but decided to keep be as vague as possible when asked questions as I wanted the experience to be as authentic as possible. She could sense how anxious I was so we started the session with a 'spiritual cleansing' I was asked to hold onto a crystal and close my eyes as she communicated with the spirit guides, it was an incredibly calming experience and my entire scalp went tingly with vibrations. Once this was done I felt much more relaxed for the remainder of the session as we progress to the reading. I was asked to select 10 or 12 tarot cards which were spread face down across the table, strangely I felt certain ones caught my attention more than others. Without saying a word to her she revealed the cards and would see how certain relationships in my life were good or strained, she described characteristics of my partner to 't', she could see that I didn't have a conventional job but had talents in creative areas, she tapped into my writing a book that could be beneficial to others 'like me' which she followed up with by saying that she thought I had struggles with anxiety and depression as she could see darkness and isolation throughout the cards I was selecting. She somehow knew all of these things and many more without me ever supplying information beyond a nod of the head or a 'yes' here and there. I was in awe. It provided me with reassurance on what I was doing and also indicated that the summer would be difficult for me but that I'd come through it OK. She also predicted some big changes in my relationship which may transpire towards the end of next year. I have no idea what that would be but I'm interested to see if it happens!

Since that session in April I felt a lot better about where I was heading, however I then decided to start coming off my anti-depressants which affected how I felt about everything. I've just come back from having my second session with her and once again have a good outlook on life. She strongly encouraged that I get back to working on my book, return to blogging and maintain my Youtube channel (something which I hadn't told her before). If you are sceptical, know that all she knows about me is my first name and my phone number so we can set up appointments. I'm still astonished by the experience. It's not something that I'd do regularly like acupuncture but I'd definitely consider going to see her if I need advice or guidance in the future.

I felt like I needed reassurance from someone impartial. Praise and assurances that people see big things in my future don't really lift me up, even if I hear it from a friend or family member. I struggle to believe that I can achieve anything, yet seeing a complete stranger and hearing their view gave me the boost I needed at that time. 

 It is important to know that you should never jump the gun on life decisions based only upon what a clairvoyant has told you, readings are for guidance purposes and clients are advised to use their own judgement.

If you have any questions about my experience or would like to know the details of my clairvoyant based in Surrey then please let me know.

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Head Down

Some people might question my commitment to being a mental health writer as I was silent across all platforms during mental health week. A lot of people I follow on Instagram and Youtube utilised the time to spread messages that support the movement against stigma and silence of mental illnesses. It surely was the perfect opportunity for me to do the same, particularly as the occasion coincided with my usual blog upload day.

Unfortunately my illness doesn't care for what day or week it is, even if it might be the perfect opportunity to post a true account of the pain I experience during a low period. I can begin a week with a seemingly great plan for writing, filming and exercising only to end up diving head first into my duvet. A week spent editing my video on my breast reduction surgery (see it here) that occurred last Summer has put me into a strange head space. Of course the operation was a fantastic moment for me, I was finally taking the steps towards boosting my body confidence and self esteem after feeling trapped in a body I wasn't comfortable with. It's allowed me to push my body beyond what I thought it was capable of in terms of fitness.

However, as I was editing the video I couldn't help but think that I haven't progressed much further since the operation. A week after the operation we were having a party, I was reunited with friends from university and we talked of work and my plans for my book. I've previously said that I would kick myself if I hadn't got everything together by this Summer. It might not be here just yet but it is looming and I've barely touched the pages in my desk draw. I've spent years working through events that transpired long ago, coming to conclusions on how they impacted my mental health and actions. Writing it all down comes easily enough to me, but reading over it all and attempting to put it all into chapters is incredibly overwhelming. Many people who attempt to write their memoirs often fail because it ends up being so damaging to their emotional and mental health. So imagine attempting to do so when your mental health is already in tatters. Despite the pain and frustration of it all, I know that it's something I desperately want other people to see one day. Creating things is what keeps me going and makes me excited. There will always be days when my head goes down, but it will pop up again when I'm ready. I seem to be constantly battling against society's ideas of what progress looks like and what I've learnt; that it takes many forms. Check back in two weeks time for a post on how I track my progress.

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Book Review vol. 1

As I mentioned before Christmas I was planning on writing some book reviews. I have a stack of books surrounding topics of depression, social anxiety, shyness, introverts and perhaps surprisingly...tidying!

The first edition of these book reviews is on the book that was a sensation in 2015 'The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying' by Marie Kondo. You might wonder how this book comes into relation to mental health. I happen to experience extreme anxiety when it comes to clutter. Unfortunately this anxiety conflicts with my nature of being a bit of a hoarder. I'm terrible when it comes to magazines, magazine cuttings, books, beauty samples and products and clothes. I've previously mentioned on the blog that I experience IBS which causes severe bloating. Due to this I have a range of sizes in clothing. It makes me anxious knowing I have clothing stored under the bed! As much as I try to tidy my space, it soon accumulates again and I'll end up sitting amongst things feeling overwhelmed.

Marie Kondo spent much of her childhood fascinated with housekeeping magazines. She was constantly tidying the cupboards in her family home, and this even extended into tidying up her classroom during break time at school! She soon realised that the 'storage solutions' promoted in magazines actually made the problem worse. We're a part of a mass consumer society, we most likely have far more than we really need. I'm sure you have things tucked away in the back of draws and cupboards that you had long forgotten about. Perhaps you'll be happy to rediscover such treasures, but it's more likely that those things are just taking up space. The 'Konmari' method centres around the process of bringing all of your possessions together from different categories. You start with clothing as this is the easiest area to start with, whereas trinkets, photos and heirlooms are more difficult to part with. It's likely that we have clothing dotted around in various rooms of the house, so it's important to bring them all into one space. The process of being confronted with the volume of clothes you own should by itself flag up a problem. We own too much! We have one body each, I'm guilty of stocking up on my favourite pair of jeans in case they get stained, ripped or worn until they are thread-bare. I've realised that process doesn't help. I end up wearing them all to the point where they are all looking well loved and in need of replacing.

The Konmari method encourages us to spend time touching, looking and feeling our belongings and asking one question "does this bring me joy?". The answer may come to you quickly. Sometimes it might take longer and we'll end up with a pile of 'maybes'. We usually hold onto things due to memories, because they were from our childhood or because they were gifted to us.

I was sceptical about this book at first, the process of holding belongings and asking yourself if they are loved or neglected and could be cherished elsewhere is a slightly strange process. Well, I ended up devouring this book in 2 days. I'm a convert! I seem to tidy up at least once a month. I'll get the bin bags out, turn up the music and blitz my room. I'll end up with several bags full of rubbish, yet I feel like there is still clutter surrounding me and it clogs up my mind too. When adopting this method, the aim is to undertake your tidying in one hit. This doesn't mean in one day, it could day between a few days to a maximum of 6 months if you are tackling an entire house full of clutter! I'm focusing my efforts on the bedroom and office. I find I can't relax in the bedroom due to clutter and I get distracted in the office and I'm unable to start the projects I want to do because of limited space and a lack of organisation in the room.

There are plenty of reviews for this book online. Most accept the method. Some people have problems with it because they feel it's too severe, that they will end up throwing away things and regret it later. I think you can follow this to a 'T' or take and leave the bits you want to. For instance there is an advised list of areas to work through. I've already strayed from this as I'm almost pre-tidying various bits of rubbish, boxes from Christmas deliveries etc. before I start tackling belongings I've had for a while. I'm hoping that I'll end up with two well organised rooms, places that I find relaxing but can also work in when I need to. Kondo's belief is that when there clutter in a room our thoughts are often directed to the mess. When you remove the mess you are left with your thoughts and anxieties that you've been avoiding for a while. There are also reports of people looking better physically, taking control of their lives in other ways. Also, removing clutter from a room and whipping around a room allows the settled dust to move, air to circulate and fresh air to come in- all of which can benefit the skin, bonus!

I'd give this book a 4/5. It's really easy to read. If you aren't interested in the approach as a whole you can skip to sections that appeal to you most e.g. organising your sock draws or desks.

I've included a photo of how many pages I've turned down to give you guys an idea of how useful I found this book. I'll be doing the same for every book review I post in the future.

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