The theme of this month has been 'pushing myself'. I had a week more or less alone each day, so I had to be there for Toby (my dog). Now, most dog owners would say 'well yeah, don't we all?' and of course I am but since I've been struggling so much recently I've skimped on the morning walks. Other members of the household enjoy taking him out in the mornings anyway, so in a way I rested on that and became somewhat complacent. I'd go out with him as often as I could in the afternoons, but some days I'd feel horrendous and the last thing I was thinking of was putting my wellies on and going for a long trudge. Alas no more. I will at least walk him once a day, stretch his legs and mine, breathe in some clean fresh air and actually attempt to reach my daily recommended step quota!
I can head off with good intentions, plug one ear into my iPhone and listen to an audio book. That has been my method recently, listening to a good audio book which I reserve only for when I take Toby on a walk. That way I'll get out with him as I should and I'll be jumping at the chance to continue listening to the book. My books of choice are usually something comical or something on depression, quite the contrast eh? Not always, sometimes the two coincide. One minute I can be tearful as I relate to their story so much and the next I can be chuckling at their mishaps as they so often sound like something I too have done. As I said, I go off with good intentions, but that doesn't mean I am calm and collected. Oh no, anxiety is a fickle companion. I can be stumbling along only to hear a rustle, most likely the wind or a squirrel but my mind will say 'someone's following you' my head snaps around to see where the attacker will come from. No one there. My head is still going through the self defence acronym from 'Miss Congeniality' 'SING' Solar-plexus Instep Nose and Groin. Knowing me I'd end up doing it only to apologise frantically as I panic that I might receive a lawsuit despite it being self defence!
Today it wasn't me that was panicking, not me initially anyway. Toby had his defences up as he saw a man that according to him did not belong on the green opposite our driveway. We had to continue walking towards him as that was our walking route. He started barking and howling at him and what appeared to be an industrial hoover that he was dragging to the back of his van. I am incredibly short sighted even with glasses or contact lenses. All I could see was a man in blue work overalls with a prominent thick moustache and a matching thick mop of curly hair. My eyes were seeing a comical Pixar worthy character, not dissimilar to the dad in 'Sunny With a Chance of Meatballs' except his comical bushy eyebrows had migrated to the top of his head. The man chuckled and tutted as we came closer and as I attempted to drag Toby along, he said "don't like me eh? I don't like you much either" I just apologised quickly as I attempted to bribe Toby to walk further along the past at a fast pace. We just about made it a safe distance for him to stop barking, only I stumbled and stepped on one of his paws causing him to squeal and yelp loudly. 'Fantastic', I thought 'now everyone in a close radius thinks that I abuse my dog to stop him barking'. Of course my mind jumped to that assumption. Anxiety you fickle bitch.
No comments
Post a Comment