I'm currently being reminded of just how bad and maddening depression can be to live with. This wasn't exactly the post I was hoping to publish today. My mentality with blogging is that I post what feels right at the time. I do have a lot of pieces written and scurried away to post when it seems appropriate. Most bloggers produce posts on mass and schedule them weeks in advance to relieve some of the pressures that come with producing a blog. I seem to be able to write in this way, but I like to post on the basis of whether the written material matches how I've been feeling and thinking that week.
Unfortunately my shoddy immune system or lack thereof has been under attack since my surprisingly proactive weekend (to be commented upon in a future post). I've been plagued with sinusitis multiple times a year for a long time. Apparently I broke my nose at some point in my life, I cannot recall this ever happening, which has left me with a deviate septum. Woop woop in need of a nose job, but it's risky and could leave me with a botched nose in the centre of my noggin. I'm nowhere close to having enough confidence with my appearance to warrant risking the worst case scenario. So instead I'm left with feeling like my head is trapped in a mace, every bone in my skull feels like it's been battered and should leave me looking mottled with bruises on my face. It's another one of these delightful illnesses that you feel a great deal on the inside, but it doesn't look like I'm going through hell on the outside. Combined with an increased sensitivity to light and sound I'm left to wallow in pain in bed for most of the day with my gloomy thoughts to torment me. My mood swings would make for an impressive line graph. The good comes with the bad, the higher you climb the further you have to fall.
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